The House of the Greatest Love Stories

Yesterday someone close to me ended a 1 year relationship that left them confused and torn. Although in their mind it was a long time coming they still felt unsure of the decision when it was actually parted. As we discussed the events of the break-up and I listened to the back and forth battle of insecurities and blame I felt inspired to share what I have learned in the year and a half. As I let my friend finish her story, I thought wow, I use to be in their shoes and it was difficult for me to get through. I first listened to my friend, letting what they had to express all come out and then explained that I felt really sorry that they had to go through it. After that we went through a series of self reflecting exercises that consist of writing it all down on paper and weighing the pros and cons. I could tell that the writing it down on paper and reading it back was concrete for them and helped my friend realize what happened, what were happy times, sad times and future goals. That brings me to my point.

What the heck is up with love? By Webster's Dictionary it is "emotion of affection,[to] be devoted to."

Humm, that seems easy, but why is it so difficult? Is it more challenging to receive it than to give it or vice versa? I can't answer any of it, because I am one of the ones that has a challenging time with it. So what credit do I have offering my little advice to help my friend, just because I read a bunch of books about relationships and self- reflecting? Because I sit in the libraries that house the greatest love stories thumbing through the books, reading and smelling their smells in hopes of absorbing the knowledge in them. Hello, still single! Those books did not state that I were to be attached at the hip with my "soul mate" either. The relationship books were merely an authors guide to taking baby step back into finding yourself and what you want out of love life and the pursuit of happiness. I have had suggestions from various people ie. family, friends, strangers and books about how to find love and deal with break-ups. Some examples of advice were to shower with rock salt and honey then light candles and incense to putting myself in the middle of a busy intersection and see if my "Prince Charming" comes and saves me. What if there is a skyscraper type building somewhere where you walk in grumpy and down, feeling loveless and they put you on an assembly line. The assembly line cleanses you, morphs your brain, dresses you in a spiffy outfit and then throws you off the top of the building. Question is, do you land on a pile of the most sweet smelling fluffy pillows, bounce back up giggling with love or do you land face first onto gravel and nails to show, nah your not love worthy and will remain single? " Will I be single the rest of my life?" That was my friends question to me. All I could say was no, of course not, but then look at me.

Me I am the person that at times could be the hardest nut to crack in a relationship, I tend to put up a wall stronger than Fort Knox when someone shows interest in me. Or when I get into a relationship, I give so much that I get taken for granted, "strung along" or discarded. This brings up a flashback of my friend coming over to my house and finding me drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels, seated Indian Style on my apartment floor at seven in the morning. So what do you do with an emotion that by definition is so easy to have, do and be? Do you hoard it like food for the winter, or do you let it freely flow like autumn leaves falling from the trees in Central Park? Do you whip it into the wind like a boomerang knowing that by design it is destine to come back? What is so intimidating about the word and why don't people express it or say it more?Maybe it's said enough and some of us have selective hearing.

That reminds me when Carrie Bradshaw was reading Love Stories of Great Men which is a collection of love stories written by men such as Voltaire, Beethoven and Napolean in the movie Sex and the City. Carrie asks her fiance Big, " Have you ever sent me a love letter? and Big replies, "Does a love fax count? Then Carrie says, "When have you ever sent me a love fax? "

Exactly, how much love do you express and when? I'm not asking for a date and time, just a rhyme and reason. Love is something that you should leap into, wholeheartedly. Which seams like a funny suggestion coming from someone still single. I guess I just believe that we weren't put on this earth to carry out our path in solidarity. I mean who walks around and thinks that they don't want to be loved by someone or content with being alone for their lifetime? There might be. Well I believe that my friend has now cleared a bigger space in their heart for the right person to come along and fill it. I send good luck out to all that found love, are looking for love and who are wanting love. Aloha