With a Blind Eye

Today I went to the eye doctor where I was given eye drops to dilate my pupils. Once my pupils are dilated, the doctor was able to use special equipment with lights to check my eyes. Once the doctor checks my eyes and gives me the "all clear", he explains that the drops will cripple my vision for up to 5 hours. After I heard that I thought, that's ok, I am only walking to the beach, I should be fine. Once I put on my Ralph Lauren sunglasses and head out onto the Honolulu streets, the sun hits me, blinds me and the tears start streaming from my eyes. I try to look around and focus, but I could not. Everything I looked at was blurred. The sun combined with the eye drops has rendered me close to blindness. I say close because it felt better to keep my eyes shut as oppose to quickly shuttering them to try to see clearly because that is not going to happen anytime soon. So I am debating on whether to walk back home or continue with my beach plans. So I fight the turn around and press forward. I had trouble seeing the crosswalk signs, the distance of the cars and my reading was highly impaired. As I cross the street I made sure I had to cross the street with other people just so I was sure I would be safe and cross at the right time. As I go through those five hours with my vision impaired it reminds me of a father and daughter that I have seen twice lately on my runs down King St. The father is blind and uses a stick while his daughter, approximately age 9, has her arm looped in one of his arms. I have seen them in the grocery store and then a second time walking to their home. I wondered how grown up she must have to be to care for her dad who was blind. Does the little girl feel like she is missing out on fun or does she resent her dad for something he could not control? Does the dad feel resentment because he has to have his daughter take care of him? All and all it must be difficult going through life with impaired vision. Although mine was briefly blurry, what if I had no vision? I see the most beautiful flowers, grains of sand, the colors of the ocean water, the colors of tomatoes, the face of my daughter, the plates of food I make, what if I did not have my eye sight and had to depend on my little girl to walk me to the store, buy milk or walk me to the bathroom? My point is I took for granted something that I have until I had it briefly taken away from me. Lets be grateful for what we have because the person next to you may not have.

Todays Working or Non Working Youth

I remember my mom telling me when I was younger to be careful, you don't want to grow up too fast. I am 34 and in the work force with children. Yes, children. The kids that are working these days are so immature and think that they are tough and know it all. Some of them think that at 20, they have led a tough life. 20? Are you kidding me, you are still in diapers. These kids need to wise up because life might just get a little harder as they get older. Mommy and Daddy will not always be around to pick up the pieces for you, pay your bills or bail you out of jail.

Also some kids these days feel they are entitled to luxuries without working for them ie. Paris Hilton. Now Paris is making her own lane now, but before it was all given to her. Hello youth, your not going to be getting much so you better get to work and like it!

Change is Good

After a well deserved 4 week break, I am back to blogging. A lot of growth and change has happened in the last 4 weeks. Some of the highlights are purging negative and non influential people from my life, my need to seek a more challenging cooking job and moving into my own place.

If anyone knows me really well they realize that I am an ever changing person. I see new things and thrive to create possibilities. I have always been that way with my life and always will be that way. I reside in a State that, through my experiences, are not the biggest fans of change. I am all for if it's not broke don't fix it; but if we are constantly talking about the flawed education system, on going automobile traffic issues and employment troubles, than changes need to be made.

When other cities, states and countries are so advance and are changing to make improvements for a better life why isn't Hawaii? I am not going to continue on a rant to fix the numerous and various downfalls of this state because I am not a politician. However it is an example of how I have tweaked my course of life and how I will write the next chapter in my personal book.

I guess I am just tired of people complaining like they are victims of a life Voo Doo or something. I am not trying to be insensitive because we all have our ups and downs but I am true believer that like is what you make it. You hate your job or your not making enough money, move on. You don't like the relationships your in, be it friend or other, move on. Change is good, life is all about making the best of it.

So when you wake up each day or when you fall asleep thinking about all the errands you need to run, people you need to call or things you want or need; make sure that you adhere to them if that is what you desire. Go for what is in your heart and mind, and never settle.

Where I lay my head

As much as I am a firm believer that I don't need to worry about what people do and decisions that they make unless it directly affects me. Well in this specific situation it does affect me and I choose to call a "crazy bitch" out.

I am living with a crazy lesbian and can't stand it anymore. I pay her rent and I am never there. How can she still infect me with her negative toxins? Is she really that desperate for attention or does she love living her life like a victim? Hello Cybill, grow up these are not the cartoons and you are not Peter Pan. This woman needs to be alone, not get another roommate to infect with her craziness, mood swing and multiple personalities. What a shame, I know that everyone is different but some people should not be in a close living space when they are toxic and insane. I can't wait for my big change in the next 3 weeks because I am leaving this Krazy Kamp alone forever.

Walk Tall

When something happens that is unplanned, how do you adjust to it? People with positive energy and an optimistic outlook will face it head on, make a plan to remedy it and move on. That is what I have done in the last few weeks and it feels good. I used to wait around for my 3 bad things to happen and then realize I will be back to normal. Now I focus on the positive of the situation, because there always is something positive and once again, move forward. I believe that if you let negative things fester, they breed. They breed bad energy and multiply like Gremlins. If you refuse to allow it and focus on a way around, through and over the situation things will change for the better and strength and tolerance will prevail. Walk tall, walk smart and walk happy.

Being the Ball

When it comes to looking for the right relationship I tend to find that I have a big heart. Having a big heart is a good thing but it also lends me to be too soft hearted when it comes to guys. Everyone has expectations of the type of relationship they want, although sometimes we tend to lower our expectations. Well through recent failed dating experiments I will no longer lower my expectations. I think not only is that fair to me, but also to my potential dates. So in that case why do guys say that girls are "too picky" and girls express that we need to be "more picky" when it comes to dating? I think it's because we all have and ideal image of who we want a relationship with and instead of holding out we attempt to try someone less than our ideal image. In my mind that is a good thing because that person may surprise you and be the one. Well in my case, na lets not get into it. I just have to admit there are more losses than wins(enter sigh now). So I have devised a new approach to dating, not a complete documented theory but a few new stepping stones. Through advice of friends and family, I will be picky and keep my eye on the prize. To empower my friends and family I tend to use the phrase "be the ball", now I think it's my turn to "be the ball"(enter chuckle now). I am in a new city with lots of options, why not focus on exactly what I am looking for and not settle for less? In reality I think it is easier said than done. But on the other hand it gives me the excuse to go shopping for new clothes for a new dating adventure.

Vision

Life can be so amazing if you keep your eyes open. Not only keeping your eyes open but having a panoramic view so you can see all that it offers. We are so use to walking through life with blinders on, making judgements about things and people we don't have a clear view of. Is it safer to view that way? Do we want to shield ourselves from the unknown? If so, than why? All I know is that I see in panoramic now and soak it all in. I no longer will judge unfairly and early. I intend to give everyone and every opportunity to show itself to me and embrace all it has to offer. "Don't judge a book by its cover", why would you when there is so much inside the bindings and the outer layer. See with in open mind, feel with an open heart and touch with embracing hands. Aloha